Marl; On Etiquette
“He can't wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.” -James Joyce (1882 - 1941), Irish writer. Ulysses
Why do I feel guilty when I do something unethical even if I know it would help me achieve peace of mind? The two sides of this story are: one; it IS bad that’s why I feel guilty, and two; people have been telling me all my life that there are certain socially acceptable behaviors, and if you go against them, it’s bad. And that’s why I feel guilty.
Although etiquette is useful in a social gathering, I have never found anything about it that helps me achieve self-actualization. I just simply can not accept the fact that we still have to maintain socially acceptable behavior towards a person whom we know has done immoral acts. To me, THAT’S unethical. It’s unethical to me because I am not being honest with what I truly feel. I prefer being quiet but even staying quiet becomes socially unacceptable to a certain extent.
No one wants to be put on a tight situation but we must be able to handle it one way or the other. It’s life. But how much must you sacrifice to get out of a tight situation? I think, you draw the line when your self-respect gets bruised. Self-respect must always remain constant. So if you give me a choice between respect and ethics, I’d choose respect. I think without a doubt respect (especially self-respect) must always come first before any etiquette or required socially acceptable behavior. To me, etiquettes are just lies. We use these to dress up what we truly feel inside. In the long run we realize we lose ourselves in putting on so many dresses and so many masks. Ultimately, we venture out to extreme ends just to get ourselves back. Now THAT to me IS life.
I’m not saying we forever behave to a person whom we know has done immoral acts in a social gathering in such a way that we disrespect him just to preserve our own self-respect. There IS such a thing called forgiveness. It is one of the most difficult things to do but it is one of the most powerful forces on earth. It literally can change the course of history. We are just too afraid to choose to do it. We think there’s so much at stake when we chose forgiveness. But the only thing at stake is our pride which we initially thought as our self. This pride is not who we are. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that we wore all these years. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that other people require us to wear socially. This pride in essence is absolutely useless towards self-actualization and peace.
It’s sad to think that after all the wars fought through out history; and after all the people who have tried to lift our foot to help us make the first step and lost their lives because of it, we are still afraid. We’ve been doing the very first step for the longest time.
Why do I feel guilty when I do something unethical even if I know it would help me achieve peace of mind? The two sides of this story are: one; it IS bad that’s why I feel guilty, and two; people have been telling me all my life that there are certain socially acceptable behaviors, and if you go against them, it’s bad. And that’s why I feel guilty.
Although etiquette is useful in a social gathering, I have never found anything about it that helps me achieve self-actualization. I just simply can not accept the fact that we still have to maintain socially acceptable behavior towards a person whom we know has done immoral acts. To me, THAT’S unethical. It’s unethical to me because I am not being honest with what I truly feel. I prefer being quiet but even staying quiet becomes socially unacceptable to a certain extent.
No one wants to be put on a tight situation but we must be able to handle it one way or the other. It’s life. But how much must you sacrifice to get out of a tight situation? I think, you draw the line when your self-respect gets bruised. Self-respect must always remain constant. So if you give me a choice between respect and ethics, I’d choose respect. I think without a doubt respect (especially self-respect) must always come first before any etiquette or required socially acceptable behavior. To me, etiquettes are just lies. We use these to dress up what we truly feel inside. In the long run we realize we lose ourselves in putting on so many dresses and so many masks. Ultimately, we venture out to extreme ends just to get ourselves back. Now THAT to me IS life.
I’m not saying we forever behave to a person whom we know has done immoral acts in a social gathering in such a way that we disrespect him just to preserve our own self-respect. There IS such a thing called forgiveness. It is one of the most difficult things to do but it is one of the most powerful forces on earth. It literally can change the course of history. We are just too afraid to choose to do it. We think there’s so much at stake when we chose forgiveness. But the only thing at stake is our pride which we initially thought as our self. This pride is not who we are. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that we wore all these years. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that other people require us to wear socially. This pride in essence is absolutely useless towards self-actualization and peace.
It’s sad to think that after all the wars fought through out history; and after all the people who have tried to lift our foot to help us make the first step and lost their lives because of it, we are still afraid. We’ve been doing the very first step for the longest time.
posted by marlbaldez at 2:51 PM
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4 Comments:
thanks for your comments. I hope I make sense. Do you have any blog any blog I can visit too?
Technically there is no socially acceptable standard when it comes to "Ettiquette". I believe that it is an evolving protocol, a moving target that there is no one "standard" will fit all in what they call as an "acceptable behaviour". You made a good point about silence, I totally agree with you that sometimes silence is not even a guarantee of getting the nod of approval. End of the day it's about you and what you believe is acceptable to you "sentir mieux dans sa peau". Keep writing you are giving me a good dose of hypothalamic acrobats. "
You're absolutely right Whistler. Makes me think, at this day and age, etiquette is fast becoming an obsolete protocol. Instead, we should focus on self-realization to appreciate individual worth and differences AND make respect (of those differences) serve as the foundation of socially accepted set of behavior.
Thanks! I shall keep on writing for your hypothalamic acrobats!
i must agree
gray trousers are ugly!
woof woof marl
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