MONDAYS WITH JOHN

The following is an actual SMS conversation. It took place on a Monday, the 15th of January 2007:

Sender: “The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who can not fly.” – F. Nietzsche

Receiver: My problem is those who couldn’t fly know my weaknesses and I need their company but they use this opportunity to pluck the feathers off my wings. I seek your advice oh wise one.

Sender: The wise know too well their weakness to assume infallibility; and he who knows most knows best how little he knows. Bear with it.

Receiver: Indeed I shall bear oh wise one. But I seek not perfection. My happiness is in flying since I’ve built my own wings. My contentment is in helping others build theirs. How oh wise one can I bear not flying and sleep with those who cut my wings to pieces?

Receiver: Forgive me for my impatience oh wise one. I am getting weary. My sadness overshadows me sometimes. This is not what I am used to. This is not what I am. In time, I shall fly again.

Sender: You will be fine, just remember we are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. I believe in YOU.

Receiver: No worries! I still am flying despite all this. And this is because my view of you is not small! Thank you.

The Different Levels of Security and Insecurity

“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.”
-Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)
Roman emperor and philosopher.
Meditations

There are always reasons why people do things. Always. The differences lie whether they want to share the reasons with you or not regardless how much or how deep you know the person. Don’t get me wrong. I am not encouraging mistrust, rather I am (as always) try to shed more light. I think we can reduce prejudice by understanding what is behind other people’s actions before we react against it.

I read somewhere that ultimately people do things because they get something out of it. May it be material or otherwise, there is always something people get from their actions. Time sometimes doesn’t become a factor. People just know eventually or immediately they will get what they intend on getting.

Have you ever met someone out of place in a formal or business gathering trying so hard to be friendly with everyone? He almost wants to know every little detail you allow yourself to share with future acquaintances. We don’t need to have the keenest eyes to know what he’s up to. On the other hand, have you ever heard of a person being quoted that giving without wanting anything in return is the most gratifying experience one can ever encounter in life? In fact, they don’t have time for social gatherings. I can say that these two situations are extremes but I won’t. Rather, the former is the lowest form of security and the latter is the highest form security. Between the two and every single point between them within the context of contentment is the different levels of security and insecurity.

GO FIGURE! / NEED I SAY MORE? III

• There’s a thing about closed doors in a corridor leading to a room you’ve never been in to. Even if you’ve passed along the corridor a hundred times, you think twice before opening any of the doors.

• I know a few people who waste their time, energy, and intelligence by convincing others to hide their true self.

• “You want to know why I tell you, you don’t love me even if you believe otherwise, because for the longest time I spent with you, you did not inspire me to be a better person.”

• A dear friend/smoker of mine attempted to quit smoking by saying, “I quit already. I didn’t smoke last night!” as he lights his cigarette after having lunch.

• “A really intelligent man feels what other men only know.” - Charles Louis de Secondat Montesquieu, Baron de (1689 – 1755)

• I’ve encountered a few people in my life where they keep their sentiments against other people and they think they’re being polite that way. However, as soon as someone pushes their buttons they declare themselves over and over again not listening to anyone else’s opinion.

• An ex once told me, “You’re too hard to reach. You’re too self-righteous.” That reply I got after saying, “Actually, there’s no such thing as white lies or big lies or any category of lies you can think of. They’re all just lies.”

• The truest friends are always there to help us through the roughest times but we all face our own demons alone.

Marl; On Etiquette

“He can't wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.” -James Joyce (1882 - 1941), Irish writer. Ulysses

Why do I feel guilty when I do something unethical even if I know it would help me achieve peace of mind? The two sides of this story are: one; it IS bad that’s why I feel guilty, and two; people have been telling me all my life that there are certain socially acceptable behaviors, and if you go against them, it’s bad. And that’s why I feel guilty.

Although etiquette is useful in a social gathering, I have never found anything about it that helps me achieve self-actualization. I just simply can not accept the fact that we still have to maintain socially acceptable behavior towards a person whom we know has done immoral acts. To me, THAT’S unethical. It’s unethical to me because I am not being honest with what I truly feel. I prefer being quiet but even staying quiet becomes socially unacceptable to a certain extent.

No one wants to be put on a tight situation but we must be able to handle it one way or the other. It’s life. But how much must you sacrifice to get out of a tight situation? I think, you draw the line when your self-respect gets bruised. Self-respect must always remain constant. So if you give me a choice between respect and ethics, I’d choose respect. I think without a doubt respect (especially self-respect) must always come first before any etiquette or required socially acceptable behavior. To me, etiquettes are just lies. We use these to dress up what we truly feel inside. In the long run we realize we lose ourselves in putting on so many dresses and so many masks. Ultimately, we venture out to extreme ends just to get ourselves back. Now THAT to me IS life.

I’m not saying we forever behave to a person whom we know has done immoral acts in a social gathering in such a way that we disrespect him just to preserve our own self-respect. There IS such a thing called forgiveness. It is one of the most difficult things to do but it is one of the most powerful forces on earth. It literally can change the course of history. We are just too afraid to choose to do it. We think there’s so much at stake when we chose forgiveness. But the only thing at stake is our pride which we initially thought as our self. This pride is not who we are. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that we wore all these years. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that other people require us to wear socially. This pride in essence is absolutely useless towards self-actualization and peace.

It’s sad to think that after all the wars fought through out history; and after all the people who have tried to lift our foot to help us make the first step and lost their lives because of it, we are still afraid. We’ve been doing the very first step for the longest time.

(W)Hole

“In the end, you're measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish.” -Donald Trump (1946 - ) US real estate developer. Trump: the Art of the Deal

Sometimes in life we get lost for a while even if we know who we are and where we stand. Just when we think we’re sure, our defenses go down. Our defenses go down because just like any other situation we stepped in to in our life, we chose to be in them; the usual we-dig-the-hole-we-fell-in-to philosophy. Funny thing is I know a few people who have dug a hole so deep and so huge it has rooms. They even redecorate the rooms so well they call it their home and they live in them for the rest of their lives.

I guess what I’ve always believed in since high school is true. Our greatest enemy is ourselves. No matter how badly we want to get out of the whole we dug ourselves into, we’d rather adapt to that hole than to confront and challenge the digger.

When we love, we feel an inner sense of security. I can’t say its peace of mind but it feels the same. It probably is peace of mind but on a sub-level. I think peace of mind comes from within you alone. When we love, someone else is involved so it’s different. We chose to share the peace that we already have. The inner sense of security that we feel when we love starts when the peace that we have offered has been accepted fully. When we feel common peace with someone we feel secure. Therefore, we chose to let our defenses go down a bit.

So, time passes and people make more choices. Some of those choices we consider later on as a mistake. This is how some partnership is put to the test. This is how some individuals get lost. As a result, when we return to our usual defenses that we’ve come to be accustomed to, it wasn’t as strong as we thought it would be. We thought we could count on ourselves but we’re weaker. We break down. We admit and face our situation head on. We retrace our tracks. We build it up again. We study it. Above all, we learn from it. Then we emerge. Suddenly, we’re not lost anymore. We’re whole again. Better. We’ve grown.

What I don’t get is how some people are simply too afraid to receive gifts of love and peace served on a silver platter. My guess is it doesn’t fit the room in their hole especially after they just redecorated the place. Or, they presumably, and most of the time prejudicially, wouldn’t want to get into a huge fight with their inner self. What do you think?

TOP SECRET! Don't Read. Part III

Most, if not all women whom I told this information to and explained it, have very related reactions; their eyes gleamed, they smiled, and finally they said, “hmm...ITS TRUE!” But I knew I made a huge mistake the first time I revealed how men think. The moment I asked two of my closest female friends, “Hey, do you wanna know how men REALLY think?” I knew I was in for something really big and there was no turning back. I can even recall being nervous and excited 5 years ago when I asked them that question. I felt the same exact emotion when I wrote the first part of this post.

But along with this mistake I also came to know a lot of other things. When I realized the potentials of actually knowing the core thinking pattern of every single man, I said to myself, I need to share this information with someone. Who to better share it with than to your closest most trusted friends, right? It just so happened that these friends who happened to be available that time are strong independent intelligent females. I’m not saying it’s bad. It needs to be shared one way or the other anyway. I mean it has to. And that’s what I’m doing again now even if it makes me fearful all over again.

Somehow as I am writing this follow-up post I realized another thing. I asked myself, “Does this come along within the vicinity of the adventures of knowing your self?” Do you automatically realize all these things the nearer you come to the core of who you are? Is it safe to post on blogs questions and ideas such as these where people yet to understand the importance of self-actualization can access them? Why not? Although I truly don’t know why, I just know it NEEDS to be shared.

What I wanna do now is apologize to all men. Please don’t kill me. Instead, analyze this information until you’re ready to share it with your female friends. Observe what happens next. It’s scary but it can be very liberating. It won’t turn you gay but if it does that’s out of my accountability. (But if it did turn you gay and you want to ask me out on a date, by all means, count me in.) Hopefully, it will enlighten you enough to realize you’re more than anything you can imagine and improve your connection with your partner or with women (or men) in general.

By the way, this does not only apply to relationships. You can also utilize this information between parent and child, co-workers, relatives, whatever situation a man is involve in.

Another thing I wanna do is tell women to take your time absorbing this information. Don’t get all excited. Gather all your friends and talk about it. It’s important to include men in your conversation. Cite usual situations of men and their life and find out where point A and point B are. Usually you’ll find out what point B is first. Nonetheless, they all have that pattern of thinking. Don’t forget to consider the important thing that is, there are no rules going to point B. And when you analyze this part of the situation, it will reveal to you a deeper side of the man’s personality. I can’t tell you what to do ladies but please never abuse this information. Who knows what could happen?

TOP SECRET! Don't Read. Part II

That is the big secret. Each time the male human specie thinks he asks himself, “How do I get from point A to point B?”

There are several ways to expound this. Let’s start with the basics. Men core thinking versus women. Men know exactly what to buy before they go out to shop. It’s simple. Point A, I need a new shirt. Point B, I buy the shirt at a shop that sells shirts that I like. Women on the other hand can make shopping so complicated to the extent that a few of them consider shopping “therapeutic.” For some women, shopping doesn’t necessarily mean buying something you need.

A very important thing to consider on this pattern of thinking is this. When men ask subconsciously how to get from point A to point B, there are no rules between the two points. Men have to get to point B whatever it takes. Again, no rules! For instance, when a man goes out for any occasion, he simply opens his closet, get dressed and starts walking. Point A in this situation is “not dressed for the occasion” and Point B is dressed for the occasion. Women on the other hand consider a lot of things before selecting what to wear. Women may think as simple as the color or design of the outfit for the occasion, to what her future mother-in-law would think if she chose to wear a low-cut skirt or a plunging semi-see-through floral blouse with pink ruffles sequenced in glittering silver beads. Women always seem to consider some thing, to say the least, before going to point B.

I’ll cite you another example of how to demonstrate this core thinking. One of the most common things men are known for all through-out history is sports. We know for a fact that men founded sports. Give a man a ball (point A). His challenge is to place the ball inside a hole or beyond a line (point B). Gather a few more men. Put some simple or elaborate obstacles. Voila! Sports!

Want another situation? Did you say two-timing? Between men and women, men are more notorious when it comes to adulterous acts. Here’s why. A man sees himself with his partner as point A. Man gets attracted to another beyond his control. Out comes point B - spending time with the attracter. Nothing complicated. It’s very plain and very simple.

Now women, on the other hand, not only start questioning the men but also themselves as well. If they ever get to the point to even entertain the attracter, they’d ask themselves what possibilities that can happen if they pursue point B. But when their partner pursued point B, not only do women question their partners but themselves as well! “He told me he loves me.” “Why is he doing this to me?” “I look much prettier than her, don’t I?” What did I ever do to deserve this?” Cliché, don’t you think? But for men, it wasn’t such a big deal because he still loves his current partner. He just pursued point B because there are no rules in pursuing point B.