SHARP ICE

MONDAYS WITH JOHN

2007-02-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

The following is an actual SMS conversation. It took place on a Monday, the 15th of January 2007:

Sender: “The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who can not fly.” – F. Nietzsche

Receiver: My problem is those who couldn’t fly know my weaknesses and I need their company but they use this opportunity to pluck the feathers off my wings. I seek your advice oh wise one.

Sender: The wise know too well their weakness to assume infallibility; and he who knows most knows best how little he knows. Bear with it.

Receiver: Indeed I shall bear oh wise one. But I seek not perfection. My happiness is in flying since I’ve built my own wings. My contentment is in helping others build theirs. How oh wise one can I bear not flying and sleep with those who cut my wings to pieces?

Receiver: Forgive me for my impatience oh wise one. I am getting weary. My sadness overshadows me sometimes. This is not what I am used to. This is not what I am. In time, I shall fly again.

Sender: You will be fine, just remember we are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. I believe in YOU.

Receiver: No worries! I still am flying despite all this. And this is because my view of you is not small! Thank you.

The Different Levels of Security and Insecurity

2007-01-26T15:58:00.000-08:00

“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.”
-Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)
Roman emperor and philosopher.
Meditations

There are always reasons why people do things. Always. The differences lie whether they want to share the reasons with you or not regardless how much or how deep you know the person. Don’t get me wrong. I am not encouraging mistrust, rather I am (as always) try to shed more light. I think we can reduce prejudice by understanding what is behind other people’s actions before we react against it.

I read somewhere that ultimately people do things because they get something out of it. May it be material or otherwise, there is always something people get from their actions. Time sometimes doesn’t become a factor. People just know eventually or immediately they will get what they intend on getting.

Have you ever met someone out of place in a formal or business gathering trying so hard to be friendly with everyone? He almost wants to know every little detail you allow yourself to share with future acquaintances. We don’t need to have the keenest eyes to know what he’s up to. On the other hand, have you ever heard of a person being quoted that giving without wanting anything in return is the most gratifying experience one can ever encounter in life? In fact, they don’t have time for social gatherings. I can say that these two situations are extremes but I won’t. Rather, the former is the lowest form of security and the latter is the highest form security. Between the two and every single point between them within the context of contentment is the different levels of security and insecurity.

GO FIGURE! / NEED I SAY MORE? III

2007-01-16T14:48:00.000-08:00

• There’s a thing about closed doors in a corridor leading to a room you’ve never been in to. Even if you’ve passed along the corridor a hundred times, you think twice before opening any of the doors.

• I know a few people who waste their time, energy, and intelligence by convincing others to hide their true self.

• “You want to know why I tell you, you don’t love me even if you believe otherwise, because for the longest time I spent with you, you did not inspire me to be a better person.”

• A dear friend/smoker of mine attempted to quit smoking by saying, “I quit already. I didn’t smoke last night!” as he lights his cigarette after having lunch.

• “A really intelligent man feels what other men only know.” - Charles Louis de Secondat Montesquieu, Baron de (1689 – 1755)

• I’ve encountered a few people in my life where they keep their sentiments against other people and they think they’re being polite that way. However, as soon as someone pushes their buttons they declare themselves over and over again not listening to anyone else’s opinion.

• An ex once told me, “You’re too hard to reach. You’re too self-righteous.” That reply I got after saying, “Actually, there’s no such thing as white lies or big lies or any category of lies you can think of. They’re all just lies.”

• The truest friends are always there to help us through the roughest times but we all face our own demons alone.

Marl; On Etiquette

2006-12-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

“He can't wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.” -James Joyce (1882 - 1941), Irish writer. Ulysses

Why do I feel guilty when I do something unethical even if I know it would help me achieve peace of mind? The two sides of this story are: one; it IS bad that’s why I feel guilty, and two; people have been telling me all my life that there are certain socially acceptable behaviors, and if you go against them, it’s bad. And that’s why I feel guilty.

Although etiquette is useful in a social gathering, I have never found anything about it that helps me achieve self-actualization. I just simply can not accept the fact that we still have to maintain socially acceptable behavior towards a person whom we know has done immoral acts. To me, THAT’S unethical. It’s unethical to me because I am not being honest with what I truly feel. I prefer being quiet but even staying quiet becomes socially unacceptable to a certain extent.

No one wants to be put on a tight situation but we must be able to handle it one way or the other. It’s life. But how much must you sacrifice to get out of a tight situation? I think, you draw the line when your self-respect gets bruised. Self-respect must always remain constant. So if you give me a choice between respect and ethics, I’d choose respect. I think without a doubt respect (especially self-respect) must always come first before any etiquette or required socially acceptable behavior. To me, etiquettes are just lies. We use these to dress up what we truly feel inside. In the long run we realize we lose ourselves in putting on so many dresses and so many masks. Ultimately, we venture out to extreme ends just to get ourselves back. Now THAT to me IS life.

I’m not saying we forever behave to a person whom we know has done immoral acts in a social gathering in such a way that we disrespect him just to preserve our own self-respect. There IS such a thing called forgiveness. It is one of the most difficult things to do but it is one of the most powerful forces on earth. It literally can change the course of history. We are just too afraid to choose to do it. We think there’s so much at stake when we chose forgiveness. But the only thing at stake is our pride which we initially thought as our self. This pride is not who we are. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that we wore all these years. It is the product of the so many dresses and masks that other people require us to wear socially. This pride in essence is absolutely useless towards self-actualization and peace.

It’s sad to think that after all the wars fought through out history; and after all the people who have tried to lift our foot to help us make the first step and lost their lives because of it, we are still afraid. We’ve been doing the very first step for the longest time.

(W)Hole

2006-12-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

“In the end, you're measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish.” -Donald Trump (1946 - ) US real estate developer. Trump: the Art of the Deal

Sometimes in life we get lost for a while even if we know who we are and where we stand. Just when we think we’re sure, our defenses go down. Our defenses go down because just like any other situation we stepped in to in our life, we chose to be in them; the usual we-dig-the-hole-we-fell-in-to philosophy. Funny thing is I know a few people who have dug a hole so deep and so huge it has rooms. They even redecorate the rooms so well they call it their home and they live in them for the rest of their lives.

I guess what I’ve always believed in since high school is true. Our greatest enemy is ourselves. No matter how badly we want to get out of the whole we dug ourselves into, we’d rather adapt to that hole than to confront and challenge the digger.

When we love, we feel an inner sense of security. I can’t say its peace of mind but it feels the same. It probably is peace of mind but on a sub-level. I think peace of mind comes from within you alone. When we love, someone else is involved so it’s different. We chose to share the peace that we already have. The inner sense of security that we feel when we love starts when the peace that we have offered has been accepted fully. When we feel common peace with someone we feel secure. Therefore, we chose to let our defenses go down a bit.

So, time passes and people make more choices. Some of those choices we consider later on as a mistake. This is how some partnership is put to the test. This is how some individuals get lost. As a result, when we return to our usual defenses that we’ve come to be accustomed to, it wasn’t as strong as we thought it would be. We thought we could count on ourselves but we’re weaker. We break down. We admit and face our situation head on. We retrace our tracks. We build it up again. We study it. Above all, we learn from it. Then we emerge. Suddenly, we’re not lost anymore. We’re whole again. Better. We’ve grown.

What I don’t get is how some people are simply too afraid to receive gifts of love and peace served on a silver platter. My guess is it doesn’t fit the room in their hole especially after they just redecorated the place. Or, they presumably, and most of the time prejudicially, wouldn’t want to get into a huge fight with their inner self. What do you think?

TOP SECRET! Don't Read. Part III

2006-11-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

Most, if not all women whom I told this information to and explained it, have very related reactions; their eyes gleamed, they smiled, and finally they said, “hmm...ITS TRUE!” But I knew I made a huge mistake the first time I revealed how men think. The moment I asked two of my closest female friends, “Hey, do you wanna know how men REALLY think?” I knew I was in for something really big and there was no turning back. I can even recall being nervous and excited 5 years ago when I asked them that question. I felt the same exact emotion when I wrote the first part of this post.

But along with this mistake I also came to know a lot of other things. When I realized the potentials of actually knowing the core thinking pattern of every single man, I said to myself, I need to share this information with someone. Who to better share it with than to your closest most trusted friends, right? It just so happened that these friends who happened to be available that time are strong independent intelligent females. I’m not saying it’s bad. It needs to be shared one way or the other anyway. I mean it has to. And that’s what I’m doing again now even if it makes me fearful all over again.

Somehow as I am writing this follow-up post I realized another thing. I asked myself, “Does this come along within the vicinity of the adventures of knowing your self?” Do you automatically realize all these things the nearer you come to the core of who you are? Is it safe to post on blogs questions and ideas such as these where people yet to understand the importance of self-actualization can access them? Why not? Although I truly don’t know why, I just know it NEEDS to be shared.

What I wanna do now is apologize to all men. Please don’t kill me. Instead, analyze this information until you’re ready to share it with your female friends. Observe what happens next. It’s scary but it can be very liberating. It won’t turn you gay but if it does that’s out of my accountability. (But if it did turn you gay and you want to ask me out on a date, by all means, count me in.) Hopefully, it will enlighten you enough to realize you’re more than anything you can imagine and improve your connection with your partner or with women (or men) in general.

By the way, this does not only apply to relationships. You can also utilize this information between parent and child, co-workers, relatives, whatever situation a man is involve in.

Another thing I wanna do is tell women to take your time absorbing this information. Don’t get all excited. Gather all your friends and talk about it. It’s important to include men in your conversation. Cite usual situations of men and their life and find out where point A and point B are. Usually you’ll find out what point B is first. Nonetheless, they all have that pattern of thinking. Don’t forget to consider the important thing that is, there are no rules going to point B. And when you analyze this part of the situation, it will reveal to you a deeper side of the man’s personality. I can’t tell you what to do ladies but please never abuse this information. Who knows what could happen?

TOP SECRET! Don't Read. Part II

2006-10-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

That is the big secret. Each time the male human specie thinks he asks himself, “How do I get from point A to point B?”

There are several ways to expound this. Let’s start with the basics. Men core thinking versus women. Men know exactly what to buy before they go out to shop. It’s simple. Point A, I need a new shirt. Point B, I buy the shirt at a shop that sells shirts that I like. Women on the other hand can make shopping so complicated to the extent that a few of them consider shopping “therapeutic.” For some women, shopping doesn’t necessarily mean buying something you need.

A very important thing to consider on this pattern of thinking is this. When men ask subconsciously how to get from point A to point B, there are no rules between the two points. Men have to get to point B whatever it takes. Again, no rules! For instance, when a man goes out for any occasion, he simply opens his closet, get dressed and starts walking. Point A in this situation is “not dressed for the occasion” and Point B is dressed for the occasion. Women on the other hand consider a lot of things before selecting what to wear. Women may think as simple as the color or design of the outfit for the occasion, to what her future mother-in-law would think if she chose to wear a low-cut skirt or a plunging semi-see-through floral blouse with pink ruffles sequenced in glittering silver beads. Women always seem to consider some thing, to say the least, before going to point B.

I’ll cite you another example of how to demonstrate this core thinking. One of the most common things men are known for all through-out history is sports. We know for a fact that men founded sports. Give a man a ball (point A). His challenge is to place the ball inside a hole or beyond a line (point B). Gather a few more men. Put some simple or elaborate obstacles. Voila! Sports!

Want another situation? Did you say two-timing? Between men and women, men are more notorious when it comes to adulterous acts. Here’s why. A man sees himself with his partner as point A. Man gets attracted to another beyond his control. Out comes point B - spending time with the attracter. Nothing complicated. It’s very plain and very simple.

Now women, on the other hand, not only start questioning the men but also themselves as well. If they ever get to the point to even entertain the attracter, they’d ask themselves what possibilities that can happen if they pursue point B. But when their partner pursued point B, not only do women question their partners but themselves as well! “He told me he loves me.” “Why is he doing this to me?” “I look much prettier than her, don’t I?” What did I ever do to deserve this?” Cliché, don’t you think? But for men, it wasn’t such a big deal because he still loves his current partner. He just pursued point B because there are no rules in pursuing point B.

TOP SECRET! Don't Read. Part I

2006-10-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know how men think? I’m not talking sex or sports or toys or even leaving a legacy. I’m talking about the root of why men act the way they act or more specifically, their core pattern of thinking. The information that I am about to divulge pertains to all men: gay or straight, ages 1 to 100, any race or religion, metropolitan or otherwise. As long as he is biologically the male human specie, this information is him.

Before I continue, I’d like to warn you again. What I’m about to give you is an information potentially powerful. It can affect your behavior towards all men in general for the rest of your life. If you’re a man reading this post, you’ll be surprised how uncomplicated we are. Either of two things will most likely to happen as soon as you realize the potential of this information: one, you’ll be in denial; or two, you’ll be fearful of how open a prey you’ve become to cunning modern beautiful women (or other men for that matter) who’ve realized this information before you.

Now, if you’re a woman reading this post, either of two things will most likely to happen: one, you’ll curl up inside and remain where you’re comfortable with; or two, you’ll use this information to the best of your advantage. But, take extreme caution. Like all vital information, when used irresponsibly, not only can it harm people but it could backfire. You could end-up hating men the rest of your life. You could also use this information to defeat any man in any debate or fool any man in his own game and win all the time. Some women I know would say, “What’s wrong with that?” Again, I warn you.

As I have mentioned earlier, there may be a few who have already realized this. Some of these few, I would assume are women typically viewed as powerful or intelligent. Still, some of these few are men who simply chose to be quiet or burry it deep enough so that it’s not noticeable to the keenest eyes but not as deep so as to make sure to remind them the potentials of its powers whenever necessary. And then there are those who have realized this all along but just couldn’t put their finger on it. They couldn’t put their finger on it simply because it’s too simple to be true, too GOOD to be true, yet too powerful to be carrying it around. They are just simply too afraid to analyze it further for its potentials are never-ending and always reliable. They can’t totally ignore it either even if they wanted to simply because it’s a part of them.

So, with all that in mind, let me share you how do men think? We simply ask ourselves consciously as well as subconsciously, “How do I get from point A to point B?”

Ponder…

Marl on Friendship

2006-09-26T20:26:00.001-07:00

I wanna tell you great things about my circle of friends. I always acknowledge their profound influence on me wherever I go or whoever I’m with. Like all great friendships, we complement each others strengths and weaknesses. What sets us apart is we allow ourselves to be who we are and who we want to be without bias or judgment. We support each others’ decisions. Furthermore, if we make a wrong decision, we’re there to support each other fully. Again, without bias or judgment. This relationship allows us to grow positively as an individual without feeling neglected or restricted. It also revolutionized our own individual thinking of what we need to decide on in our own personal lives.

We have been blessed with each others company for almost 15 years now. There are times when we don’t see each other for over a year but when we finally see each other, it’s as if we just saw each other last week. Most often than not I feel that their arms are my home. Yet, it does not hurt to be away from them because they’re in my heart. How could they not be? They bring sense into me. I lose count of all the times people are amazed how I can be so sensible in such a messed-up world. Each time it happens my heart skips a beat because they’re smiling in my heart; not to remind me but because they are a part of me.

We are a group of gay and straight guys dominated (in number) by strong independent women. All of us are single. All of us are beautiful. We have the best of times. We have closed many a number of coffee shops, cafes and restaurants. We laugh and cry in them like we’re in one of our friends’ living rooms. We talk about sex, politics, people, places, events, love, injustice, stupidity, hope, career, future, parenting, children, life, education, entertainment, the arts, food, relationships, achievements, fashion, ourselves, what-ifs, dreams, death, traveling, humor, men, women, technology, culture, shopping, sports, medicine, health, beauty, diets, fitness, books, God, religion, and nature. Just to name a few!

This post is not a tribute to them or anything like that. I don’t believe in tributes and celebrations. I don’t need a reason to buy someone a gift or wait for the right moment to appreciate someone. This post is like any other post in my blog. I talk about things of who I am. I talk about positive things that could probably shed a light to someone or share the same light with someone.

Blog is a good thing. It’s a chance to tell the rest of the world that I live. Or at least, I exist. I simply could not tell the world who I am without mentioning what my circle of friends is to me, who we are to each other and what we are to one another.

JUDGMENTAL ME

2006-09-18T01:55:00.000-07:00

I know a 7 year-old girl who, when she plays with her friends, hates being the it. Whenever she becomes one she pouts, complains and sometimes even cry and hurt her playmates simply to avoid being the it. She even threatens her playmates to tell on them, breaking their bond of secrets just to get what she wants.

…Yet I know a 13 year old kid who thinks he’s tough. He doesn’t perform very well in the classroom but he’s the king of the playground. He never gets laughed at in the classroom during embarrassing situations because if you do, chances are, recess won’t be your favorite time of the day.

…Still I know a 27 year old man who creates illusions of what he calls glamour and beauty and calls himself a beauty queen; his actions – “fabulous.” He wants people to admire his new dress or his new shoes. He finds answers in life’s most difficult situations in a shopping mall.

…Still I know a successful 39 year old man who makes jokes at other people’s expense. He loves organizing small parties and little get-togethers. He is very smart and very funny. He has a list of one-liners conveniently tucked in his memory which he pulls out anytime he sees someone he knows. He uses them anytime any place at almost any given situation. He simply adores the feedback he gets from the laughter of the crowd at his keen observations. He enjoys it so much, it’s his second nature. For him, it works in any kind of small social gathering. He has people whom he calls friends which he makes fun of, nonetheless.

…Then I know a very good-looking 50-year-old man who never got married and lives alone. He has a moderately high paying job. He lives in a nice two-bedroom apartment overlooking the sea. The apartment is in a record book for being the cleanest, most organized apartment in the world. He’s current relationship is with someone old enough to be his youngest child; if he ever had one. He finds relaxation in sex; but not necessarily with his current relationship. He relinquishes smoking and alcohol almost everyday. He seems happy.

...Then I know a 65 year old widow and a mother of five. She runs her own business. She wakes up at 6 in the morning and goes to work before 9. She goes home at 9:30pm. She does it 6 times a week. She never misses a Sunday mass as much as she never misses any of her children. Her hands are simply too full.

…and life goes on.

FICTION

2006-09-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

Here’s something new I want to share with you. You’re gonna hate me for this but I’ll take the risk. You’re gonna hate me because it’s about love. I’ll take the risk because it’s something totally new for me. Here goes…

Starting today, I’m going to learn to love someone less. It’s difficult for me because getting there is hard enough. Maintaining the love is the most difficult, or so I thought; until I decided to start loving less.

Corny? Yeah. Shallow? Maybe. Passe? Probably. Difficult? Definitely.

You have to understand. I love and respect myself before anything else. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I learned from an early age that the only person you’ll spend the rest of your life with from birth to your last breath is yourself. So, if you can’t be happy with yourself, who will? And the only way to be happy with yourself is to know who you are, respect what you are, and learn to love yourself more as you go through life’s challenges.

It feels great when you’ve achieved self-realization. It’s one of the greatest things in the world. All you feel everyday you wake up until you retire to bed at night is contentment and gratitude. The only thing left for you to do is to share the richness that you feel you have. Only then can you give great love. Maintaining this love to someone you love more than he love himself makes an even greater challenge.

Which brings us back to loving less; it’s difficult for me because I question myself. I used to think that love is love; nothing more or less. At this moment, as I am writing this, if I chose to love less, does that mean it’s not love anymore?

I know what love is but what does loving less exactly mean? Is loving less really love in the first place? Is it possible to acclimate your love to the person you’re currently loving? Half hopingly I’d learn what this is as I write and as I consciously decide to do this. Half hopingly I’m excited because I can feel it in the core of my being that this is going to be my next big lesson in life.

Although I have very high standards I do not expect. Expectations lead to disappointment most often than not. But, I have to learn to draw the line. Drawing the line for me means not compromising my love and respect for my self in exchange for mere words that doesn’t substantiate the actions of the one I love.

So…

Corny? Not. Shallow? Not. Passe? Never. Difficult? Definitely.

Friends: I heed your comments and feedback. Please enlighten me.
Thank you.

ICE MELTS

2006-09-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

Friends,
Readers,
& Fellow Bloggers,

I address this entry for you today because you have given me appreciation for my writing beyond what I have expected. I enjoy writing but I plan to take a long break due to unbecoming circumstances. Although I have written two entries prior to this, I can not find it in myself to post them.

To Bryan, thanks for introducing me to the world of blog and most especially to Momel.

To my favorite blogmate Momel, your words have depth and sometimes inspiring. It would be such a joy for me to meet you one day.

Next time…

Keep blogging!

Marl

mayeyewach@yahoo.com

2006-08-28T05:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently just talked with a friend and here’s what we think why people get into relationships.

There are three reasons why someone invests a great deal in a relationship: love, sex, and other purpose. The greatest of which is of course love. The easiest is sex. That’s basically what you need to know about them.

The fun part is discussing the third one; other purpose. The purpose varies depending on the individual’s needs and personality. The most popular “need” I can think of is opportunity to acquire more wealth. It’s so popular jokes have been created around them. I’m sure you know what the 4 M’s stand for when looking for “the perfect mate.” I’ve heard this joke since grade school. The process of getting that “wealth” ranges all the colors of the spectrum depending on the personality of the person. (Insert your craziest imagination here.)

Sometimes sex and/or love become the third reason. When people use sex as the third reason, the relationship dies quickly. This is the usual cause of heartbreaks especially when the other party uses love as his third reason.

Then, things can get really complicated. People start to add a third party or, people display love-like actions that can be so complex the other party think they’re sincere acts. The list goes on. Layers and layers of situations intertwine. Individuals get lost. Then, all of a sudden people are singing the Gloria Gaynor song.

The moral of the story is always chose what’s best for you. Accept the fact that, even before we decide to enter a relationship, we will learn something out of this and the teacher is the other party. Finally don’t be afraid to learn. In the long run, we always end up wiser than before.

WE NEED HELP!!!

2006-08-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

We have world standard actors as you already know. Our directors, both past and current are competitively creative in their craft. But, I’m desperately hoping to high heavens that I’m not the only one who notices something horribly wrong about our screenplays. Sometimes I can’t help but to feel embarrassed for these talents for the unjustifiable characters in the equally defunct screenplays they agree to perform in simply because they need to work.. Something MUST to be done SOON.

I don’t even want to talk about pretty faces with absolutely no talent whatsoever winning God-knows-what kind of so-called “talent search.” PUHHLEASE!!!

How about screenplay competition/workshops for shortfilms, sitcoms, whatever! You know? OR…maybe…Philippine Mobile Phone Short Film Awards or something. Oh! And remove film ratings already or at least the controversiality surrounding it. Anything!

All I’m saying is WE NEED A CHANGE. We need a change not only because of this overly obsolete system (call it whatever you wish) of writing screenplays in our culture is like tumor to a human being in our family, but also we have all the potentials to do the change we need.

I’ve seen commercials that are completely Filipino and they have successfully put the clear message across and it’s amazing! I so love the Jollibee commercial where the mom and the son is praying and both of their prayers were answered. Amazing!

Let’s start small. Baby steps. We’ll get there.

That's That

2006-08-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of funny things about Filipinos. One I get a kick out of is whenever we become defensive when a chord gets strongly struck even if it’s completely unintentional. When explicated, we get unnecessarily offensive. I sometimes see these comical happenings among politicians and celebrities on national TV. I for one think it’s always better than any Filipino sitcom ever written. Then, if that is not yet enough, they take it to the next level and make it personal. By now, my reactions would equal the experience of accidentally running into an elderly office mate wearing his birthday suit. Until I realize they’re running our country.

2006-08-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Love in relationships is so overrated it makes me puke. We even get the most iniquitous information about it from almost everywhere: media, culture, parenting, you name it. Yet, we delve into it anyway. Some even wallow. As a result, people go on “a search for true love.” Thus, complications occur.

I hate preventable complications in any form. Maybe it’s just me but why go through all the drama when, bottom line is, it’s how you look at things. So believe me when I tell you dramas and complications are total waste of time and energy.

Love in relationship IS possible. Here’s the secret. There should always be respect, trust and communication. Take away one; it’s not love. If it’s not love, things can be pretty complicated. If it does, simply make a decision in your current situation. This is crucial in a relationship because this is the point where you might discover you’re the only one in the partnership who’s looking for love. If you do find out, then make a decision; you either play the game or you don’t OR you can play the game first then find love later. Just be ready for the consequences.

How do you go about having love in a relationship? It all begins with knowing who you are. Knowing who you are simply means knowing what makes you happy and defining between what you really need and what you want. You got to have the courage to decide which route to take. But then again there really isn’t any wrong decision because the worst case scenario is that you’ll learn something out of it. Uhm…I stand corrected. The worst case scenario is you didn’t learn what you were supposed to learn so it will be taught to you over and over until you do learn (or until you die, which ever comes first). After you make a decision, stick to it. But, be open for better options. There will always be options. It’s just a matter of making a decision. Once you establish your decision and you’ve learned to commit yourself to it, self-respect flows naturally in your system.

Now, self-respect I believe is probably THE most important possession any human being can ever have. It sets your limitations and allows you to be free at the same time. It acts as your guide on almost any relationships including social and professional. I firmly believe that people will never respect you more than you respect yourself. So, the higher your self-respect, the higher respect you get from people.

Trust simply means honesty. You’ve got to learn to be honest with yourself all the time. Sometimes it’s a difficult process but it’s always a constant course in life. This is necessary for us to know who we are. It’s difficult because, as they say, “Truth hurts.” Well, true to a certain extent however, if we can’t be honest with ourselves, who are we fooling?

Communication is as important simply because this is how we take the strong energy of trust and respect in motion within our selves and all around us. It is important that someone knows who we are, what we need, and what we don’t want.

Now, take all this together. Incorporate it in a relationship. Voila! You’ll find what you’re looking for. Simple isn’t it?

2006-08-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

GO FIGURE! / NEED I SAY MORE?

*I woke up one morning with the person next to me surfing Regine Velasquez songs!

*We went to a popular hotel and ordered a pizza. The pizza’s topping we chose was “magarita.” The waiter apologized later on for misprint of the ingredients in the menu!

*I have a 27 year old friend who literally knows trivia questions on beauty pageants including the shortest Ms. Universe who ever won the crown!

*Ara Mina is going to have a concert abroad in mid-September and one ticket cost approximately P3400. That already includes dinner.

*There’s going to be an Ocean’s 13 and they’re adding Al Pacino to the group!

*The person lying next to me this morning asked me which Regine song I’d like to listen to!

*You know American Idol right? Well…there’s an Australian Idol!

*Captain Inggo!

*My mother cooked pork blood stew for dinner twice in one week!

*I watched a shortfilm that had a climax punchline, “My baby looks like your boss, honey.”

*There’s a Rolls Royce parked outside the apartment building across ours. It’s been there for over a week!

*I met a 6’ Caucasian at a cocktail party who kept on pinching my bum and after the 6th cocktail I was starting to like it knowing that 6 was never my lucky number!

*The person lying next to me this morning started singing with the Regine V. songs!

2006-08-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

“I come out of your bathroom door. Hair all wet, ...wearing just the towel and a sexy smile. …sharp eyes staring back at you. I lean against the door, playing with towel as I go down on all fours slowly.

I crawl on all fours. …still wearing that sexy smile.

You’re waiting on the edge of your bed.

As I reach your foot, I go down to lick your toe. …sucking, …licking. Suckling each little piggy, …even licking between the little piggies. Mmmmmm….

I lick my way up your leg. Sharp eyes lookin up at you. Still wearing the towel and that sexy smile. I let my towel drop to the floor along with all my inhibitions as I lick up your leg. …one …long …hard LICK. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM…

I use my tongue to tease the back of your knee. I can hear you moan. Then, I decided to alternately bite and kiss your inner thigh ever so lightly. I love hearing your moans. I surprise you every now and then biting you harder than you expect then kissing you lighter than you expect.

I start feeling the heat all over my body. …doubled by the heat emanating from yours. I use my hands to caress your body. I rub them along your sides and thighs as I look at your facial expressions. Enjoying what I see I go down to kiss your chest. …your stomach. …kissing lightly …sometimes softly …sometimes hard ...using my tongue liberally.

I look up at you. …eyes hazy with desire. You bend over slightly forward to kiss me.
I slowly arch my neck to meet your waiting lips. Time seems to stop and it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for your lips. I felt your breath and I realize your lips is an inch away from mine. I take my hands away from your body as I kiss you. I stand up slowly never leaving your lips. A thought came to me and I pushed you hard on the bed.

I smile over you as you lie down on the bed spread-eagled but with your feet still down on the floor.

My imagination is running wild now…

Wait until I get on top of you...”

I like to make up erotic stories.

2006-08-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

I never require people to be someone their not. In fact, I get the best lessons and experiences from people who have realized who they are and not afraid to show it.

But here’s what strike me most of all; people are always worried of what other people think about who they really are. So, they opt to pretend to be someone else. I know I should be getting used to it by now but when a friend asks you for advice…uhhhh! Nothing new yet we never learn. Some people can actually take this beyond habit and even, to malignant heights!

So, what do I tell these friends, you may ask. Well…it depends. I usually categorize their situation and personality. For milder cases I tell them not to think so much about it and remind themselves what their priorities are. For “common” cases I ask them what makes them happy and follow what their heart is telling them. For some-of-the-worst cases I tell them to take a breather, do something completely different, and assure them that I’m here if anyone needs someone who can listen to them. If that doesn’t work I’d ask them to see a doctor immediately.

Notice the cycle? I dare not call it life like what most people say it is. It’s not natural at all. But it is essential…I think.

2006-08-19T18:08:00.000-07:00

I remember admirers and ex’s (including the current one) telling me, “I find it difficult to cause you trouble because you’re one of them ‘kind’ people.” I always tell them I can be bad too when asked nicely and give them a ‘kind,’ sincere smile. And I mean it. Everytime. I get facial expression fit for a KODAK commercial after that.

I remember an ex who took that statement seriously and asked me to be “bad.” It turned out to be one of my most unforgettable sexual experiences. Three of my ultimate sexual fantasies were realized. We kept doin it ‘til it wasn’t a fantasy no more. Still the sex was so hot I fantasized about it months after the relationship ended. I’m lookin’ forward to the next person to ask me to be bad, nicely.

entry# 260706-0001

2006-07-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

People are weird. We know exactly in our heart of hearts what is needed to be done but we chose to create an array of THE most colorful excuses just to avoid what really needs to be done. I mean, how many times have you come accross to perhaps someone you know or even to you: (A)you know smoking is bad for you, you smoke anyway; or (B), you know all you have to do is ask her name, not that you couldn't, but you won't, (C) all it takes is one simple phone call or a hug or those "3 little words" but still you chose not to. (D)you know you wanted to quit that job because its not who you are and its tearing you apart but you stay anyway, (E) he or she disrespects and hurts you and there IS someone else willing to give the love that you supposedly are longing for but you stick with the one hurting you. Weird. Don't you think?

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2006-07-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

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